Hello, my friend -
How are things? On this side, things have been both ordinary, and completely batshit - of the two I’m not sure which I prefer more.
Ordinary can feel quiet, lonesome and bleak. Every day a mundane routine, with little to no sense of purpose. Eventually, ordinary leads to desperation. Desperate to feel a spark beyond the empty, hollow shell I currently exist in, I reluctantly crawl out of the dark cave I’ve been living in and realize 12 months have gone by since I last felt the rush of life. 12 Months since Ive done anything at all outside of working long hours and watching TikToks until 2am with my eyes glued to a screen.
Batshit really isn’t any better. There are days that force me into a fetal position under a hot shower in hopes the water drowns out my racing thoughts. My mind can feel forcibly debilitating, like the walls are crumbling down on top of me, and I’m left suffocating under the crushing weight of it all. Trapped and helpless just looking for a way out, or perhaps a saving grace. When I finally find the light more weight comes crashing down.
2023 hasn’t been my year, truly. It’s as if I’ve been living in one of those cinematic scenes where the main character is walking head-on into open gunfire. She gets a blow to the chest but perseveres forward, then another. The next is a shot to the leg, shoulder, and then the arm, over and over until eventually there’s nothing left of her.
I prefer Ordinary.
Thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest. Let’s not let another 12 months pass before we do this again.