It’s interesting when you're stuck run on a treadmill next to someone who smells like Pilsbury Funfetti cake mix. You're running and your brain starts getting mixed signals. You bide your time contemplating if your burning calories or inhaling them. By the end of your run, you feel a few pounds heavier and can't help but wonder how high your blood sugar levels are. You start wiping the sweat from your face and find an obscure granular substance matted to your skin as if sugar had been leaking out your pores. All you can think about is the potential possibility of you now wrecked with a disease that affects your health and longevity.

All these agitated thoughts derived from the profusive smells conjured by one treadmill over...

The one I always bet on

She's always the coolest one in the room, hands down

Dresses like she doesn't care what anyone else thinks

A non-conformist who just so happens to create what's mainstream

She's a rare combination of artistic and athletic

Ranging from creative and girly

All the way to tough and sporty

You never know what you're gonna get

You'll never catch her in a crowd

She's far too majestic for that

Her independence precedes any social need

She holds the gold standard in honesty

Always tells it like it is

Never sugarcoats the truth

She'll beat anyone or thing she's up against

I've seen it, don't try

A real-life force to be reckoned with

Her name stands for victory

But I call her Mom

She's the one I always bet on

Just Do You

   It's the beginning of yet another year, and I've been thinking a lot about what I want to accomplish, not just in 2020 but in life in general. Frankly, I'd be lying if I said my list wasn't long. In fact, I have so many goals for myself it's overwhelming to think about sometimes. Being overly ambitious is just as much a burden as it is a strength. Thankfully, all of my goals, both big and small, have one common denominator making them feel much more attainable. Every one of them is an encouragement to become better in one form or another. Not the best, just better. Everything I set for myself is pushing me to be the best me that I can become. Each goal, whether or not I complete, is going to make me stronger, just as long as I try. It doesn't really matter if my list is a million goals long and I only make it through a fraction of it and fail at half of those, because just by attempting I'll be further along than where I was when I started.

I think a lot of us get specific with our goals for the wrong reasons. Either we're competing with someone else, we're following in someone's footsteps, or we're doing it because it's how we want to be perceived. I'll be honest, I'm entirely guilty of setting goals for each of these reasons, myself. But the older I get, the wiser I become, and the wiser I become means the more knowledge I can slap my younger self in the face with. 

Since then, I have realized by setting goals for the wrong reasons I wasn't becoming the best me by any means. By not being true to myself I chose to become superficial. Now, if I can share one piece of advice with my 2020 self it would be, "Keep your goals true, and in line with what makes you genuinely happy." 

In other words, don't feel like your goals have to prove something to anyone, or even feel like you have to compete to keep up with someone else. We're all different, and we're all at different points in our lives. It's important to understand that someone else's goals might not be the right fit for you. Instead, you should find what you're good at, what you love to do, and persist. Try not to focus the rest. 

For 2020, my goal is to just do me. Keep doing what makes me truly happy while continuing to learn and grow. By doing just that I'm already living up to my potential.

My hope for the end of the year is to be able to look back on the skills I've learned, the challenges I've overcome, and the adventures I've made with admiration and gratitude, knowing that everything I've gone through has made me greater.

Three cheers for 2020!

Wonder Bread

Every Tuesday at half-past six a wondrous smell permeates the air outside a 68's Sports club.
The heavenly, yet manufactured scent runs over highway exhaust and through rundown backstreets, saturating the gym parking lot with an untainted roar of fragrance and flavor, fully satiating any ravenously overworked pallet. With soft, milky notes of butter and malt, the aroma triggers a whirlwind of nostalgia and a thrill of endorphins only to distract you from the cold, hard truth. It’s only Tuesday.

The One Where They're Still Friends

Have you ever had

A friend you played make-believe with growing up

A friend you made up catchy songs with, and still remember every one

A friend you never missed a day walking home from school with

A friend you froze like a statue with every time you saw a car drive-by

A friend you pretended to practice your instrument with just so you didn't have to go home

A friend who brought back bras from China for you, and you secretly still wear

A friend you played Indian poker with during every indoor recess

A friend you forced to play tetherball during every outdoor recess

A friend who cooked you ramen every day during the summer

A friend you always met halfway no matter what the cost

A friend you started cutting through backyards for

A friend you got your first job with

A friend you lost your first job with

A friend you traveled 15 hours on a bus to see

A friend you randomly decided to make a music video with

A friend you were caught cheating on your homework with

A friend you joined science club for just to spend more time with

A friend you were told by your teacher you would sever ties with after elementary

A friend you went back to that teacher with, 10 years later, to sneer at her remark

A friend you sat on the front of the bus with when you were lowly "sevies"

A friend you sat on the back of the bus with when you gained seniority

A friend who chose to walk to your bus stop just to be with you

A friend who memorized your home phone by heart, and you, theirs? (393-1127)

A friend you spent every Halloween with vegging out on candy, pizza, and scary movies

A friend you can tell absolutely anything in the world to without judgment

A friend you dared to lick a frozen pole, and did

A friend you stood in the cold with for 12 hours on NYE

A friend you've made a few questionable hotel choices with

A friend you spent your high school graduation with hiding from a crazy person 

A friend you cried over for leaving you and moving halfway across the country

A friend you now talk to less often, but feels nothings' changed

A friend you plan to see the world with...

Love you light-years 

Corners

Clear and defined lines

by which all lives are dictated

ruling out disorderly behavior.

This

discipline upheld by sharp edges

and

Shadowed dimensions looming

from one space to the next.

Followed and framed by

parameters we fear to cross. 

Ne'er a corner cut,

for if we so do

we've wronged.

Swept by Her

A gleam follows her.

Radiant at a distance.

Never before have I seen

Her. 

That carefree hair

perfectly messy,

and lips so soft

and delicate, I presume.

Wait, she bites the bottom

playfully.

Is she flirting?

Can she see me?

A tousle of the hair

and on she walks.

Like the gleam, I follow.

I can't let her out of my sight

now.

Now that I know

it's mutual.

Ten paces behind. 

Her hips gently sway

inviting me closer.

She detours into a book store.

Intrigue and intelligence,

she has it all.

Perusing the isles

she drops her phone.

Clumsy, but cute.

She bends down slowly and 

while her golden-blonde hair cascades forward

she gently tucks it behind her left ear.

I struggle to look away.

My lust is strong.

I desire

Her.

I start counting seconds

hoping to slow my heart rate.

I turn back to her,

peering through the books

in the aisle over.

I see her reading the back of a novel.

She then licks her tender lips

leaving them wet.

Is she toying with me?

Does she know I'm watching?

From the aisle over 

I casually push a book

too hard, 

shoving the tandem book to the ground.  

I rush to her aisle.

There she is. 

We both bend down,

reaching for the fallen book.

Our hands meet.

Then, our eyes. 

I smirk,

She smiles back.

I'm swept.

We don't need these books

We're a living, breathing love story.

Lost and Found

Gone.

I've lost it. 

A thing. 

Yes, a thing. 

Something. 

Something I hold dear. 

To me. 

Something I hold dear to me. 

It's escaped. 

that's right, escaped. 

Something I hold dear to me has escaped.
-

maybe.
-

I can't find it.
-

Or, maybe 

It's not gone.

Maybe my something hasn't escaped.

Maybe it's just new.
Perhaps it looks and feels different, too.
Perhaps I'm different.

Maybe, yes maybe.