Kids, I have a story to tell you. Now, It's not some sappy love story about how your father and I first met or even an underdog story like how you're grandma knocked-out cancer on 4 different accounts. Although, that one is one for the books.

No, kids, this is a horror story about the Great Pandemic of 2020. The year started off just like any other, you're father and I ordered a pizza from our favorite little Italian fast food joint, "Papa John's" (spoken in a true Italian accent for dramatic effect). Now, not to confuse you with our favorite Italian dine-in, Gorozzos (spoken in a true Italian accent for dramatic effect), or our favorite Non-Italian but serves quirky Pizza dine-in, Grinders (spoken normally); because let's be honest their Bengal Tiger Za RULES! As I was saying, your father and I had just settled down and were looking forward to bringing in the new year from the comfort of our living room, when suddenly we felt the weight of our eyelids casually droop... And kids, to be totally honest we didn't wake up until the next morning. 

Okay, so we missed the huzzah, but I imagine had we not fallen asleep that night would have gone something like this... 

Me: I'm bored and hungry.

Alex: WE JUST ATE!

Me: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YELLING?!

Alex: BECAUSE YOU EAT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE!

Me: Wanna go to Hy-vee?

Alex: Yeah, let's go. 

Your father and I bring home a grocery bag full of Salt &Vinegar chips, diet coke, and sour gummy worms to satiate us over the next few hours until Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve count-down begins. 

Me: Dick looks good this year.

Alex: I'm pretty sure he died. 

Me: Then who's that guy? (pointing to some guy in the corner of the screen)

Alex: That's definitely not Dick Clark.

Me: RIP Dick, RIP

Ryan Seacrest (Off-screen): Live from Times Square, the count down begins! 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, TO YOU AND YOURS! HUZZAH!

Everyone (off-screen): HUZZAH!

Alex and I (together): PIZ-ZAH! (as we gingerly cheers the tips of our pizza slices)

Meanwhile, in China, law enforcement is stun-gunning and ticketing pedestrians in the streets for leaving their homes. 

But here's what really happened, the next morning your father and I woke up still hazy from the Papa John's (spoken in a true Italian accent for dramatic effect) we consumed the night before, but with Oreo's defiant roar ringing through our ears we quickly got up and dressed and made our way to our local Hy-vee to pick up my favorite coffee and his favorite cat food. The two T must-haves to keep mama and kitty from going bat shit crazy on your father. As we're checking out, the morning trades caught my eye. As I recall, every magazine cover was riddled with Flappers, Bootleggers, Gangsters, and Suffragists. Every paper and tabloid in stores and on stands between January 1 to Feb 15 had some sort of wild, ney, promiscuous call-back to the Roaring Twenties. Kids, those trades filled US consumers with such inspiration and excitement, excitement to birth a new '20s, one with promise and desire to revive the greatest history from our past while benchmarking the horizons of our future. But by the end of February, all that hype came to a crashing halt. 

More on that later. 

Half of Me

Half of me is...

tired of dreaming about my future.

tired of chasing something unrealistic.

tired of feeling like I'm wasting my time. 

tired of acting as if I know what I want.

And the other half is...

tired of not chasing hard enough

tired of not devoting every minute

tired of losing momentum

tired of wondering when I'll get there

But mostly I'm just...

tired of being half-in

A Place I Often Visit

A place I often visit… I visit an idea, a fantasy where my livelihood is a pen and paper. I see myself atop an empire of my own literature, both big and small. Poems, Shorts, Feature lengths, and Novels piled beneath me. I see a crowd of people digesting my stories, and still hungry for more. I see myself leading a business of literature and film where the stories leap off the page and enter reality. A company where dreams come true for those who want to be stars, directors, or filmmakers. A company where the writer is no longer the bottom of the totem pole, but instead the bright and shiny topper.  I see a mass of consumers flooding theatres all around the world, paying visits to those new creations. I see the audience embarking an emotional journey from the minute the film starts until the end credits roll. I see those reactions as fulfillment, but still wanting and yearning for more. I see the construction of a massive park used to as a setting to build stories and create films, but also for public enjoyment. I see hordes of families, couples, and groups of friends pouring through the park gates ready to experience the entertainment first-hand. I see the fulfillment of dreams and happiness. This is the place I often visit.

Kingdom of Majesty

I know a place where the wintergreens smell of peppermint and pine.

A place where the snowfall glistens and the silence adds texture to the air. 

I know a place where mountains rise in the distance beyond which the faded sun hides.

A place where beauty is bound by secrets and forever there she'll remain.

I know a place. I know it well.

Nest

A warm, familiar

place

Woven together

with care

Lonely when empty

yet always there

Graciously accepting

your return

COVID-19

When the seas were calm

And the skies were blue

The trees were whispering,

“It’s coming soon”.

Darkness and sorrow

Will cover earth

Where only,

Light and hope

Will show worth.

The Wrong Treadmill

It’s interesting when you're stuck run on a treadmill next to someone who smells like Pilsbury Funfetti cake mix. You're running and your brain starts getting mixed signals. You bide your time contemplating if your burning calories or inhaling them. By the end of your run, you feel a few pounds heavier and can't help but wonder how high your blood sugar levels are. You start wiping the sweat from your face and find an obscure granular substance matted to your skin as if sugar had been leaking out your pores. All you can think about is the potential possibility of you now wrecked with a disease that affects your health and longevity.

All these agitated thoughts derived from the profusive smells conjured by one treadmill over...

The one I always bet on

She's always the coolest one in the room, hands down

Dresses like she doesn't care what anyone else thinks

A non-conformist who just so happens to create what's mainstream

She's a rare combination of artistic and athletic

Ranging from creative and girly

All the way to tough and sporty

You never know what you're gonna get

You'll never catch her in a crowd

She's far too majestic for that

Her independence precedes any social need

She holds the gold standard in honesty

Always tells it like it is

Never sugarcoats the truth

She'll beat anyone or thing she's up against

I've seen it, don't try

A real-life force to be reckoned with

Her name stands for victory

But I call her Mom

She's the one I always bet on

Just Do You

   It's the beginning of yet another year, and I've been thinking a lot about what I want to accomplish, not just in 2020 but in life in general. Frankly, I'd be lying if I said my list wasn't long. In fact, I have so many goals for myself it's overwhelming to think about sometimes. Being overly ambitious is just as much a burden as it is a strength. Thankfully, all of my goals, both big and small, have one common denominator making them feel much more attainable. Every one of them is an encouragement to become better in one form or another. Not the best, just better. Everything I set for myself is pushing me to be the best me that I can become. Each goal, whether or not I complete, is going to make me stronger, just as long as I try. It doesn't really matter if my list is a million goals long and I only make it through a fraction of it and fail at half of those, because just by attempting I'll be further along than where I was when I started.

I think a lot of us get specific with our goals for the wrong reasons. Either we're competing with someone else, we're following in someone's footsteps, or we're doing it because it's how we want to be perceived. I'll be honest, I'm entirely guilty of setting goals for each of these reasons, myself. But the older I get, the wiser I become, and the wiser I become means the more knowledge I can slap my younger self in the face with. 

Since then, I have realized by setting goals for the wrong reasons I wasn't becoming the best me by any means. By not being true to myself I chose to become superficial. Now, if I can share one piece of advice with my 2020 self it would be, "Keep your goals true, and in line with what makes you genuinely happy." 

In other words, don't feel like your goals have to prove something to anyone, or even feel like you have to compete to keep up with someone else. We're all different, and we're all at different points in our lives. It's important to understand that someone else's goals might not be the right fit for you. Instead, you should find what you're good at, what you love to do, and persist. Try not to focus the rest. 

For 2020, my goal is to just do me. Keep doing what makes me truly happy while continuing to learn and grow. By doing just that I'm already living up to my potential.

My hope for the end of the year is to be able to look back on the skills I've learned, the challenges I've overcome, and the adventures I've made with admiration and gratitude, knowing that everything I've gone through has made me greater.

Three cheers for 2020!

Wonder Bread

Every Tuesday at half-past six a wondrous smell permeates the air outside a 68's Sports club.
The heavenly, yet manufactured scent runs over highway exhaust and through rundown backstreets, saturating the gym parking lot with an untainted roar of fragrance and flavor, fully satiating any ravenously overworked pallet. With soft, milky notes of butter and malt, the aroma triggers a whirlwind of nostalgia and a thrill of endorphins only to distract you from the cold, hard truth. It’s only Tuesday.

The One Where They're Still Friends

Have you ever had

A friend you played make-believe with growing up

A friend you made up catchy songs with, and still remember every one

A friend you never missed a day walking home from school with

A friend you froze like a statue with every time you saw a car drive-by

A friend you pretended to practice your instrument with just so you didn't have to go home

A friend who brought back bras from China for you, and you secretly still wear

A friend you played Indian poker with during every indoor recess

A friend you forced to play tetherball during every outdoor recess

A friend who cooked you ramen every day during the summer

A friend you always met halfway no matter what the cost

A friend you started cutting through backyards for

A friend you got your first job with

A friend you lost your first job with

A friend you traveled 15 hours on a bus to see

A friend you randomly decided to make a music video with

A friend you were caught cheating on your homework with

A friend you joined science club for just to spend more time with

A friend you were told by your teacher you would sever ties with after elementary

A friend you went back to that teacher with, 10 years later, to sneer at her remark

A friend you sat on the front of the bus with when you were lowly "sevies"

A friend you sat on the back of the bus with when you gained seniority

A friend who chose to walk to your bus stop just to be with you

A friend who memorized your home phone by heart, and you, theirs? (393-1127)

A friend you spent every Halloween with vegging out on candy, pizza, and scary movies

A friend you can tell absolutely anything in the world to without judgment

A friend you dared to lick a frozen pole, and did

A friend you stood in the cold with for 12 hours on NYE

A friend you've made a few questionable hotel choices with

A friend you spent your high school graduation with hiding from a crazy person 

A friend you cried over for leaving you and moving halfway across the country

A friend you now talk to less often, but feels nothings' changed

A friend you plan to see the world with...

Love you light-years 

Corners

Clear and defined lines

by which all lives are dictated

ruling out disorderly behavior.

This

discipline upheld by sharp edges

and

Shadowed dimensions looming

from one space to the next.

Followed and framed by

parameters we fear to cross. 

Ne'er a corner cut,

for if we so do

we've wronged.

Swept by Her

A gleam follows her.

Radiant at a distance.

Never before have I seen

Her. 

That carefree hair

perfectly messy,

and lips so soft

and delicate, I presume.

Wait, she bites the bottom

playfully.

Is she flirting?

Can she see me?

A tousle of the hair

and on she walks.

Like the gleam, I follow.

I can't let her out of my sight

now.

Now that I know

it's mutual.

Ten paces behind. 

Her hips gently sway

inviting me closer.

She detours into a book store.

Intrigue and intelligence,

she has it all.

Perusing the isles

she drops her phone.

Clumsy, but cute.

She bends down slowly and 

while her golden-blonde hair cascades forward

she gently tucks it behind her left ear.

I struggle to look away.

My lust is strong.

I desire

Her.

I start counting seconds

hoping to slow my heart rate.

I turn back to her,

peering through the books

in the aisle over.

I see her reading the back of a novel.

She then licks her tender lips

leaving them wet.

Is she toying with me?

Does she know I'm watching?

From the aisle over 

I casually push a book

too hard, 

shoving the tandem book to the ground.  

I rush to her aisle.

There she is. 

We both bend down,

reaching for the fallen book.

Our hands meet.

Then, our eyes. 

I smirk,

She smiles back.

I'm swept.

We don't need these books

We're a living, breathing love story.

Lost and Found

Gone.

I've lost it. 

A thing. 

Yes, a thing. 

Something. 

Something I hold dear. 

To me. 

Something I hold dear to me. 

It's escaped. 

that's right, escaped. 

Something I hold dear to me has escaped.
-

maybe.
-

I can't find it.
-

Or, maybe 

It's not gone.

Maybe my something hasn't escaped.

Maybe it's just new.
Perhaps it looks and feels different, too.
Perhaps I'm different.

Maybe, yes maybe.