I'll hold your hand when times are rough

and buy you flowers, just because

I'll lie my head on your chest

and listen to your heart, just because

I'll promise to take you somewhere new

and never leave your side, just because

I'll give you kisses when you're sleeping

and trace your face, just because

I'll serenade you in my car 

and make you smile, just because

I'll press my nose close to yours

and look at you longingly, just because

I'll buy you everything I can afford

and make you love me, just because

I'll think about you every day

and thank my God, just because

The List

I decided to make a list of all the big dreams I've had whether just passing in thought or persistently on my mind. Some of these I know will never be achieved but excepting it is part of the process and the reason why I wanted to make this visible to me. 

1. Own a mansion
2. Own a Film Studio
3. Become a Screen Writer
4. Own a Country Dinner in KC
5. Create a Greeting Card Company
6. Tour the world
7. Take my boyfriend to US major cities and Europe
8. Take my parents to Europe for their Anniversary
9. Win the Lottery
10. Give money to my grandparents for medical needs
11. Get my family in shape
12. Run a Marathon
13. Qualify for the Boston Marathon
14. Become an Actress
15. Become a Singer
16. Own a Record Company
17. Create a demo
18. Publish a novel
19. Write a book of poetry
20. Donate money to orphanages 

Most of these dreams are arbitrary, greedy, and just about making a buck, and to that I say, "that's America for ya". However, as an individual with Christian instilled beliefs I hope to be less selfish and show more interest in changing the world than striving for a richer life myself. All aside, I notice a very distinct pattern above, there are two types of dreams, those organically grown and those constructed from society. Interpreting these thoughts from a Freud standpoint would most likely mean these dreams are working different parts of the mind. The ambitions to better lives derive from my natural state or instinctive behavior (the Id) whereas those revolving around wealth and fame originate from society's standards (the Superego). If you were to make your own list of dreams maybe you too would find this pattern. 

Poker Face

If someone has four degrees, went to school for 12 years, spent a good portion of his life studying for whatever is to come next you'd assume he'd be well prepared for the world, right? Wrong. After speaking to my restaurant manager last night I found that you can never be prepared. After going through a rough time finding a job I now realize that I'm not alone, there are people out there with more education and more experience than myself who've gone through the same struggles but continue to live as if they have none. Looking at him I could tell that his struggles weren't over and that he was still very much searching, still hoping to find something that relates to what he actually wants to get at in life... but how can someone so intelligent with so much to offer not have found a position when on the opposite side of the spectrum are my friends, who've graduated in four years obtaining only their bachelors, yet still manage to sign their careers with Garmin? And then it dawned on me, it's just the way our cards are dealt. Now I don't believe every part of it is luck but I do however believe if you're in the right place at the right time you may get offered an opportunity that someone out there may have needed more, may have been more qualified for, and may have served more time searching for it. Nevertheless, whether you are dealt a good hand or not you should always keep you're chin up and your head high because bluffing is still a part of the game, and if you do it right you may just wind-up with your own success story.

Nothing Worse

There's nothing worse than feeling insignificant, unrefined, and out of place. Searching for that job that makes you whole again, something to polish your class, add sophistication, and create envy. I want that job that will boost my confidence level and give my life a place and a purpose because when your in between there's nothing worse. Nothing worse than working a part-time minimum wage job catering those with the career you crave and thirst. Nothing worse than waiting hand and foot on their every need, and forcing a smile when they treat you as if a butler without thought. There's nothing worse than feeling the envy of someone else's job.
I too have needs, a need for a job to bestow me with the refinery I deserve. Looking at the people around they can't all have jobs high and mighty. Isn't anyone else stuck in the situation I'm in? There's nothing worse than feeling alone trapped at the bottom of the totem pole. Congratulations you've reached your lowest; there is nothing worse.