Half of me is...

tired of dreaming about my future.

tired of chasing something unrealistic.

tired of feeling like I'm wasting my time. 

tired of acting as if I know what I want.

And the other half is...

tired of not chasing hard enough

tired of not devoting every minute

tired of losing momentum

tired of wondering when I'll get there

But mostly I'm just...

tired of being half-in

Kingdom of Majesty

I know a place where the wintergreens smell of peppermint and pine.

A place where the snowfall glistens and the silence adds texture to the air. 

I know a place where mountains rise in the distance beyond which the faded sun hides.

A place where beauty is bound by secrets and forever there she'll remain.

I know a place. I know it well.

Nest

A warm, familiar

place

Woven together

with care

Lonely when empty

yet always there

Graciously accepting

your return

COVID-19

When the seas were calm

And the skies were blue

The trees were whispering,

“It’s coming soon”.

Darkness and sorrow

Will cover earth

Where only,

Light and hope

Will show worth.

The one I always bet on

She's always the coolest one in the room, hands down

Dresses like she doesn't care what anyone else thinks

A non-conformist who just so happens to create what's mainstream

She's a rare combination of artistic and athletic

Ranging from creative and girly

All the way to tough and sporty

You never know what you're gonna get

You'll never catch her in a crowd

She's far too majestic for that

Her independence precedes any social need

She holds the gold standard in honesty

Always tells it like it is

Never sugarcoats the truth

She'll beat anyone or thing she's up against

I've seen it, don't try

A real-life force to be reckoned with

Her name stands for victory

But I call her Mom

She's the one I always bet on

The One Where They're Still Friends

Have you ever had

A friend you played make-believe with growing up

A friend you made up catchy songs with, and still remember every one

A friend you never missed a day walking home from school with

A friend you froze like a statue with every time you saw a car drive-by

A friend you pretended to practice your instrument with just so you didn't have to go home

A friend who brought back bras from China for you, and you secretly still wear

A friend you played Indian poker with during every indoor recess

A friend you forced to play tetherball during every outdoor recess

A friend who cooked you ramen every day during the summer

A friend you always met halfway no matter what the cost

A friend you started cutting through backyards for

A friend you got your first job with

A friend you lost your first job with

A friend you traveled 15 hours on a bus to see

A friend you randomly decided to make a music video with

A friend you were caught cheating on your homework with

A friend you joined science club for just to spend more time with

A friend you were told by your teacher you would sever ties with after elementary

A friend you went back to that teacher with, 10 years later, to sneer at her remark

A friend you sat on the front of the bus with when you were lowly "sevies"

A friend you sat on the back of the bus with when you gained seniority

A friend who chose to walk to your bus stop just to be with you

A friend who memorized your home phone by heart, and you, theirs? (393-1127)

A friend you spent every Halloween with vegging out on candy, pizza, and scary movies

A friend you can tell absolutely anything in the world to without judgment

A friend you dared to lick a frozen pole, and did

A friend you stood in the cold with for 12 hours on NYE

A friend you've made a few questionable hotel choices with

A friend you spent your high school graduation with hiding from a crazy person 

A friend you cried over for leaving you and moving halfway across the country

A friend you now talk to less often, but feels nothings' changed

A friend you plan to see the world with...

Love you light-years 

Corners

Clear and defined lines

by which all lives are dictated

ruling out disorderly behavior.

This

discipline upheld by sharp edges

and

Shadowed dimensions looming

from one space to the next.

Followed and framed by

parameters we fear to cross. 

Ne'er a corner cut,

for if we so do

we've wronged.

Swept by Her

A gleam follows her.

Radiant at a distance.

Never before have I seen

Her. 

That carefree hair

perfectly messy,

and lips so soft

and delicate, I presume.

Wait, she bites the bottom

playfully.

Is she flirting?

Can she see me?

A tousle of the hair

and on she walks.

Like the gleam, I follow.

I can't let her out of my sight

now.

Now that I know

it's mutual.

Ten paces behind. 

Her hips gently sway

inviting me closer.

She detours into a book store.

Intrigue and intelligence,

she has it all.

Perusing the isles

she drops her phone.

Clumsy, but cute.

She bends down slowly and 

while her golden-blonde hair cascades forward

she gently tucks it behind her left ear.

I struggle to look away.

My lust is strong.

I desire

Her.

I start counting seconds

hoping to slow my heart rate.

I turn back to her,

peering through the books

in the aisle over.

I see her reading the back of a novel.

She then licks her tender lips

leaving them wet.

Is she toying with me?

Does she know I'm watching?

From the aisle over 

I casually push a book

too hard, 

shoving the tandem book to the ground.  

I rush to her aisle.

There she is. 

We both bend down,

reaching for the fallen book.

Our hands meet.

Then, our eyes. 

I smirk,

She smiles back.

I'm swept.

We don't need these books

We're a living, breathing love story.

Lost and Found

Gone.

I've lost it. 

A thing. 

Yes, a thing. 

Something. 

Something I hold dear. 

To me. 

Something I hold dear to me. 

It's escaped. 

that's right, escaped. 

Something I hold dear to me has escaped.
-

maybe.
-

I can't find it.
-

Or, maybe 

It's not gone.

Maybe my something hasn't escaped.

Maybe it's just new.
Perhaps it looks and feels different, too.
Perhaps I'm different.

Maybe, yes maybe.

Trapped Thoughts

I feel Trapped. 

My mind trying to escape on paper, 

only half makes it. 

Only half sees the light of day, while

the other half remains locked away. 

The only hope I have for saving it is to read. 

Anything and everything until 

my thoughts are so strong and so loud 

they break free from their cell, 

leaping to paper, filling

a page, 

a book, 

a bookcase. 

I’ll continue to read so my mind stays free, 

never to return to its’ immobilized state. 

Never again will my 

dreams, 

riddles, 

thoughts

and schemes 

be untold.

The Spark

The sky was brighter that night;

fireworks illuminated the air.

A crowd of strangers stood just outside the Vatican City

mesmerized by the night's beauty.

Just then, she walked out dressed in white.

And me, tux and tie.

All heads turned.

Tourists stopped in admiration,

stealing pictures from all directions.

Applause broke out, and cheer of Auguri! Auguri!

Was all we heard as we pushed our way through the crowds.

That night was nothing shy of perfection. 

Moment of Silence

Today,

At 4:00 all grief lifts

all voices still

and what life remains, dies

At 4:00 a spirit rises

all pain subsides

and a body is left, limp

At 4:00 tears are silenced

all nearby hearts stop

and peace is finally found. 

At 4:00, we say goodbye

until we meet again. 

my dear, unforsaken friend.

Earth Angel

A stitch,

For every person you impacted

For every good deed done

For every positive vibe

and every bit of influence shown.

A stitch,

For the strength you displayed

through all the pain

For the smiles and laughs shared

with us along the way

For the light you taught us to see

through these twisted, dark days.

Lisa

You show your strength, and we'll show ours.
Behind crying eyes.


Even weak and unconscious, we see you strong.
A mother, a role model, a friend.

Fight hard, until the end.

Time

Time.

A thing of the past, present and future.

Often used daily, but hardly acknowledged as what dictates life.

Always precious when it's running out, but never truly missed until the end.

Your time's not up. Not yet.

Not until it commands you still.

...And even then, time will still tick on for the rest of us.

Before the internet

Before the internet

People had it rough
No FB, Twitter, or Instagram love
There was far less inspiration to cheat off of

Before the internet

It wasn't enough
To rep good fashion, hair or even makeup
You had to be intelligent to make it and stuff... ;P

Before the internet

Jobs were push comes to shove
Needless to say, social media was far unheard of
Now all you need is a hobby your good at, semi...or, kind of

Enough followers and you'll be loved
Make money from home and randomly vlog stuff
A selfie here and there and that's enough

The internet, is it all just a bluff?

My perfect ten

They say a baby is born every 5 seconds.

They also say a child dies every 10.

Labor strikes.

Unbearable claws tear at me from the inside.

“Get me out”, she cries

The pain curdles beneath my skin

Suddenly I no longer care about those around me

I’m worrying only about my own well-being.

An epidural, my only encouragement.

But the one true cheer leader through all this,

My husband.

I scream, so he reaches for my hand.

I whisper, “death is all too near”.

He laughs, as if I’m being over-dramatic…

Suddenly, I’m pushing out my screams and breathing heavily between.

Last push, he exclaims.

He kisses my forehead and I clench his hand tighter.

Mustering everything I have left.

(silence)

Finally, relief.

And, there she is.

An angel sent down to us.

As I hold her in my arms

Everything feels right, perfect.

I stare at her peaceful face, and begin to count

Under my breath

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

I kiss her little head and sigh.

Suddenly everything so perfect

Feels less than.

Robbed.

Those ten seconds will be my sanctuary.

Gone by guilt

Guilt.
It's there even when
Your slate is clean

White.
without ever being pure
Your lies become

Stains.
Unerasable by day
Inevitable by night

Guilt.
Lurks out of the shadows
As you're turned the other way

Secrets unfold and there you are,
standing alone

Everything. Gone.

The Belated Valentine

He was late in the worst of ways.
Such a date should not be forgotten!
How true do I stand before him
If he does not stand true before me
If he does not remember the day of which love beats.

He hushed my lips before I could speak,
Held my hand to his heart and sputtered,

"It is not the day that is celebrated, but instead love.
I may be late for yesterday but I will be yours for eternity.
Every day I'll hold you, love you and cherish,
my sweet sweet valentine."

Swinging from heaven

The wind flows every which way dancing around you on your throne among the clouds. Your hair twirls mid-air as though gravity were inexistent. Legs pumping back and forth with ease, free of all boundaries. Clouds push and shove for your attention as you flirt with their soft bellies, tickling every pucker between ebb and flow. The air is light, and the sun, cloaked by a tender sheet of puff invisible to those below. This is heaven, for which we all know.

 A sudden roar of thunder shakes everything around, yet, your swinging persists. Naturally, the swollen clouds begin to leak a clear substance, the liquid, not quite conformed to a color, falls upon the soil 3,000 feet below. A rumble in the far distance grows louder. A tearing noise breaks the silence, splitting the air and all that inhabit it. Startled, the clouds burst into tears, shedding their weight as the rain quickly thickens. Soaked from head to toe, you look up smiling, blissfully at peace with the nature that surrounds.