Moving to a new city you don’t think about the people you’re leaving behind. You’re setting your eyes on your future and what lies ahead for yourself. You don’t recognize your greediness or your selfish ways. Moving to a new city you don’t think about the outcome of moving BACK, meaning you don’t think about the effects it’ll have on those new friends you've made, those new families you've imprinted on, and the current positions you’re holding. You think merely about what’s best for yourself but not what is best for those who've encountered you, those families who've blessed you, welcoming you in as one of their own, those friends whom which you've shared an everlasting bond with making memories in a city they call home, and those jobs you've taken from others truly in need, such as the homeless man on the corner holding the sign “Out of Work.” This selfishness is what makes us human yet it is also what makes us thoughtless sinful beings. 

Know Who You Are

To the woman who relishes in riches

You know who you are

You act so matter of fact

And notice not

I stand before you

Unveiling the truth

Put away that charade

Look me in the eye

We both know

You’re no better than I

Play make-believe

If that’s what you want

But I’ll be here

With judgmental thoughts

I see you overspend

Drowning in debt

You can’t pretend

I see the exaggeration

When you’re with friends

You try so hard

To keep all aloof

Know who you are

You’re the woman, once rich

But now forever poor

Living vicariously in the wealth

You yearn for

So adorn yourself in jewels

Lavish in riches

But know who you are

Because it’s me you cannot fool

Circles

Around the circle the lines begin to intermix

blurring our perception of what’s ahead and what isn’t.

If it follows a secular motion could it also be linear?

Or am I just confusing time and space

With a pattern, constant, indirect,

And mind-numbing to erase

The colors diversify the angles

Of which we see

However, it’s not all black or white

It’s easy to forget the colors in-between

In a spectrum of light the truth becomes white

And reflecting is a pallet

Our pupils force us to see

The black, though hard to grasp

Is the absence of color

In which a single look

Heaves us into a hole  

Preventing our escape

This is the way of the

Circle that goes round.

An intangible concept

 Incomplete in thought

A never-ending
Everlasting train
Confused and lost

Just a Thought

Have you ever just stopped and listened to the world around? Sitting in your room you hear the faint roar of an engine driving down the street, the noise of a plane flying over your head, the howling of wolves in the distance. We can hear these things without having to concentrate, but if you choose to open your ears and listen a little harder you might be able to hear the sound of waves crashing against boulders, the chinking of mugs in a far away pub, the chirping of birds amongst a rainforest, the sound of a fish swimming faster to catch its’ prey, the tortured screams of a woman being raped, the cries of a starving child, the loudness of your own thoughts, and the pounding heart of a new born brought into this twisted world that we call our own.

Mama

My arms reached up towards the moonlight, yet not a single person could hear my muffled screams from beneath the ocean blue. I was alone just as I was all my life. I began sinking lower down into the unknown of the dark abyss. That was the first and last time I ever felt sorry for myself.  The rippled water devoured me whole that day. My tears indistinct, blending with the flow of the tides, moving to and fro eventually washed ashore along with my remains.

I was seven when I first attempted to swim. My mama took me by the hand, and led me into the Pacific Public Pool. I remember kids diving off boards, splashing around and having fun with their friends. The swimming was remarkable, some moved like fish under the clear liquid, and others were able to stay afloat just by using the strength of their legs. I even saw a couple kids floating on their backs somehow above the water, which was a miracle to me. I never understood how it came so easily to them, but mama was there and she would be sure to teach me. We walked into the shallow end first making our way deeper and deeper until we reached 7ft. Mama had me on her back, she pulled me around front and dropped me. I splashed and splashed, “kick your legs”, she’d yell. My legs seemed heavier than usual, I was able to move them but at a much slower pace. I gasped for air, trying to cling to her as best I could. Mama lifted me up and pushed me back into the water, only this time there was a much larger distance between us. She never wanted me to give up, she’d make me try and try and try again until I learned how to do something right. And when I did something wrong, mama never punished me, she’d just always say, “you’re better than that, Kale” and that was punishment enough.

Mama yelled “move your arms, kick your legs”, “Faster”, “Faster”. I wanted her to know I was trying but my effort was exhausted. I started to sink to the bottom of the pool, before I went down I made sure to grab as much air as I could, I knew it would be a while before mama helped. She wanted me to do things on my own, she always thought of me as being overly dependent.

About a minute went by before a woman picked me up off the floor and carried me to the edge of the pool. She yelled at mama for showing bad parenting skills, but mama knew what she was doing. I was sure she wouldn't have let me drown.  

At age nine Mama noticed a difference in my walk, “pick up your legs, boy”, she’d yell as she’d watch me walk down the street on my way to school. The truth is, physical exercise was always difficult for me, but the older I got the more challenging it became. I always ended up with a bad grade in P.E., the teacher would write next to the letter, “ doesn't try hard enough”. I knew I was slower than all the other kids, but I still felt like I was putting out the same effort.

I was ten when the doctors diagnosed me with Muscular Dystrophy. Which I guess is “a disorder that causes a person’s muscles to deteriorate overtime”, the doctor explained. Mama wasn't happy when she found out, she refused to believe that her son was “a freak”, she’d say. The day they told us she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Don’t think this means you’re gonna get any special treatment, ‘cuz it don’t”, I was happy knowing that. I didn't want her to think of me as broken, because to me I was still functional, I just wanted her love and that was all that mattered.

Mama told me I had to prove myself to her, she’d say, “If you want my love, you have to try harder”. I knew what that meant. She wanted a normal son, a son that could be independent, successful at all sports.

I was twelve when I set off toward the ocean. It wasn't a far walk to the beach, eight miles tops. My problem was walking, it took me nearly twice as long as the average person, and walking too much exhausted me. I had to take several breaks along the way.

When I got there it was dark, night had fallen. The water was never as cold in the winter for some reason, I never understood it. My feet sunk in the sand as the liquid grabbed at my ankles. I stood there remembering mama’s words, “try harder, it’s that simple”, I tore off my shirt and gradually walked into the ocean, fearing my mother’s hatred more than the creatures at my feet that I couldn't see. I walked further until I reached a current much stronger than myself. It pulled me deeper, away from shore and left me there. I struggled to reach the surface, but I couldn't find it.

My arms reached up towards the moonlight, yet not a single person could hear my muffled screams from beneath the ocean blue. I was alone just as I was all my life. I began sinking lower down into the unknown of the dark abyss. That was the first and last time I ever felt sorry for myself.  The rippled water devoured me whole that day. My tears indistinct, blending with the flow of the tides, moving to and fro eventually washed ashore along with my remains. Saddest of all, I never got to be the son that mama wanted.

Rewrite: My Version

Think Me
When you think country I want you to think me

You're an LA County, smooth talkin' boy
with a sweet leather jacket and Ray Bans to
block the sun.

You don't know the word poor, you've never
seen a farm, and you say you'll never go huntin'
But you know that's who I am
and who I'll always be, baby I'm country.

I've got a thick twang accent, a Kansas plate to match,
and I drive through LA blarin' my Paisley
When you hear the noise you'll always know I'm there,
so when you think country I want you to think me.

You've got some pretty blue eyes and sun-kissed skin,
You're the best dressed boy I've ever seen
But you don't open doors, you care more 'bout 'ur car,
and worst of all you don't like country.

I need a home grown farm boy that's not scared
to use a gun but still knows chivalry.
You ask me to choose, "What's it gonna be?"
But honey when it comes to me, it's always gonna be country.

So next time 'ur drivin' in 'ur Porsche, you hear that music play,
see the Kansas plate and you know it's me,
think about the time you could have gone country!

Diploma

Diploma

A piece of paper

with the word

Congratulations!

After four years

of blood, work, and tears

That's all we get

after all the sweat?

So what now?

We use our degree

to get a better salary?

That's what they told us

Man, what a bust!

I pursue my field

but loose to a canidate

without a degree

getting my salary,

the money I owe

to the school

that made me look a fool!

Glass From The Past

Glass From The Past

Shards of glass

tear through the night

Turning through the patterned air

Molly walks a path alone

but a surprise attack by

the dreaded shards of glass

leaves Molly drenched in tears

Her clothes shredded 

her body left

bleeding alone

without a shred

of dignity left

from the broken glass

that once was her past

Sitting, sulking, alone in the night

Confronted by those shards of glass

Manhattan Life

Manhattan Life

I'm feeling good tonight

I'm feeling right

First time in this town 

of Manhattan

they call it the little Apple

and tonight I'll know why

It's a collage town to me

but for others just a party

I'm goin' out tonight to see

this small town life

I'm gonna hop from bar to bar

down the line on Morro

What a sight to see,

girls in boots and dresses

and guys in hats with jeans hangin' low

I'm feeling good tonight

I'm feeling right

I feel all wrong in my city clothes

but not to worry no one will know

'Cuz when the lights go down

and the DJ blasts his sound

We'll forget about the world around

Just livin' this simple life

I'm feeling good tonight 

I'm feeling right

I like to think I've been around

But I've never known drunk until this town

They know their beer and how to hold it well

On the corner of 14th and Aggieville

It's last call from behind the bar

but we're all still chuggin' and goin' strong

And then they end the night

with a simple country song

The crowd breaks out in drunkin' slurs

and sings the words to Carrie Underwood

We're feelin' good tonight

we're feelin' right

Let's raise our cups to this small town,
Manhattan life!

Questions Raised

Questions Raised

"When you know, you know"

Someones' bullshit words somehow morphed  into Gold

Told by those in love and those who don't even know

How real can it be if some never get a chance to see?

Can something be real if only some claim they feel?

Or is it all in the head, a secret twist that's unsaid

Love is naive, as are those who fall

Yet love is a lady whom we wait at beck and call

Intimacy is shared between you and your lover

But who's to say there can't be another?

Is it truly a sole-mate you've found

Or just another friend, without bounds?

These questions are raised for those who know

Enlighten the rest so we no longer feel low

Fill our heads with nonsense and let it be done

Teach our hearts to be tame until we find that one

So that when we fall we too will know

Feeling the currents and the way they flow

Free to dance in the streets

with all the other deadbeats

Here. There. Everywhere

Here. There. Everywhere.

It's wierd to think

that when I'm here

You and a hundred others

live there

It's strange to see

the sun set here

while the moon lies in

the night sky over there

It's hard knowing

You'll never be out here

and I'll never go back there

It's sad to think that

the distance from here 

to there

is the same everywhere

Make No Mistake

 Make No Mistake

Make no mistake

I'll be alright in time

Sure, I'll be fine

I'll hit a rough patch 

here or there

I'll make a wrong turn

left or right

I'll cry in bed

when no one's looking

I'll feel alone

when no one's around

I'll work three jobs

because I'm broke

I'll pity myself

because I can

But make no mistake

I'll make it through

this life of mine

Walk On

 Walk On

A boy is a man when his first is born,

A girl is a woman from the decisions she makes

It isn't who you are or where you're from,

Forget your past and live in the present

It's all about the you and the you that you've become

Dictate your own and become the bold,

You're never too old...

Be the one to teach your son

It's never too late

To appreciate the march you've made

and the heights you've overcome

Never forget to reach beyond the sun

Stretch you're legs, make your mark,

and walk on

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows

As a new day emerges

the sun slowly rises

Dark shadows cast away

as time progresses throughout the day

Birds whistle a lovely song

and we all pretend to sing along

The day has cheer

but night we fear

As the sun goes down

the birds quiet their sound

When the shadows come out

people about run and shout

But nothing can be done

Not without time 

and not without sun

High Hopes

High Hopes

My dreams are large

My hopes high

To make it happen

Do or die

I'll fall in love

Once again

But my dreams are steady

My hopes high

Strife may come

around the bin

I'll keep on climbing

Until the end

Once I reach my 

goals in mind

I'll make new dreams

With hopes on high

Gloom

Gloom

Clouds cover the skys

above

Shielding the sun and all

its' love

The people below walk in

shadow

Gloomy faces each one 

feeling low

Sounds of rolling thunder

fill the air

No one to help and no one

to care

Should we fix the climate 

above

Maybe our hearts will restore

their love